Sorry

I hate it when we fight. I hate when I become so frustrated with your actions (or inaction) that I develop what is far beyond an acceptable level of "inside voice." I hate the way we both get red in the face when we are angry with each other. I hate that you were mad at me when I dropped you off at school, hate that you felt the need to brush aside my goodbye hug with a shrug and a frown, hate that I walked away from you knowing you were scowling at my retreating form. Hate that I didn't turn around once more to look at you before I left.

You can be so proud, so determined, so STUBBORN. You have always been that way. Even as a little tyke, when you'd get in trouble, you always got angry at me getting angry at you. It's so true that each child needs to be dealt with in different ways, depending on temperament. Your sister is one to get so very sad and remorseful when she's in trouble, but not you — you simmer with anger and injustice, letting it brew inside you like a pressure cooker, and the only way I know how to deal with that is to walk away, to let you come back down to earth on your own. Because you always do. Once the heat of the moment passes and you've been left on your own to think and contemplate and consider, you emerge, fresh-faced and placid and apologetic, willing to listen and talk and discuss.

You have no idea how fiercely I love you, how much I WANT for you, how strongly I would fight to protect you. The older you become, the greater my fears grow about all the things I can't shield you from, all those outside influences that will only grow in number and magnitude as the years go on, as you come under the influence of other kids, other sources. I can only hope and pray that I have taught you, when the time comes, to make good choices, to do what is right and true.

So I am sorry our morning got off to such a bad start. Mommys aren't perfect — I am far from it, I know. But I am doing the best that I can... and I will always strive to do better by you. I love you, sweet baby boy. I hope as I write this that the moment is already past for you, forgotten, that it hasn't ruined your day. And I hope when I see you later on that you'll give me one of those great hugs like only you give.

Monthly Newsletter — Month 16

Spaghetti!, originally uploaded by JenSig.

Dear Isla,

Yesterday you hit the 16-month mark, and you are growing and changing in such leaps and bounds, it's hard to keep up!

You are so similar to Owen and Edie at this same age, in so many ways — namely that you are friendly and outgoing, quick to laugh and eager to cuddle and give hugs and kisses — and yet, you are entirely your own, too. In what I believe is typical for many younger siblings, you really don't talk much, but you sure can communicate! I can tell a lot from your funny little grunts and gestures, fist clenches and expressions. You aren't limited by your lack of speech in any way, little lady!

But you DO have a few words that you'll say with regularity, and these include "mommy," "daddy," "jacquie," "isla," "ball," "night night" and a smattering few others. You will increasingly (and accurately) answer yes or no with little nods or shakes of the head, too, so that if I ask you a question about something you are wanting, you are able to answer with a sweet little grin on your face.

You also now give REAL kisses, meaning an actual little pucker and a smacking sound with your lips, as opposed to the big, open-mouthed wet kisses you used to plant on us. You are still somewhat stingy with your kisses, and won't often give them when asked, but then you'll just surprise us by coming over to us, smacking your lips in little kissing noises, kissing us sweetly and then running off again to continue whatever you were doing before. It's enough to make my heart melt.

I've been noticing more and more the distinct part that birth order plays in the personalities of all three of you kids. Owen, as the oldest, is definitely a nurturer and is also something of a worry-wart, always fussing about things that could go wrong and worrying about the "what ifs," and always wanting to make sure everyone is taken care of.

Edie is displaying a crazy amount of awesome middle child tendencies, being the "star performer" in our midst. A recent trip to the dressing rooms in Old Navy provided her very own runway down the center aisle, from which she had to strut wearing every outfit we were trying on and then, upon reaching the end nearest the mirror, suddenly striking a fabulous pose with a flip of her hair and a sassy expression.

As for you, we are all agreed that we think you are the good time charlie of the bunch, and it won't surprise us a bit if you turn out to be the one who just wants to get a good laugh out of a crowd. You are so laid-back and easy going, charming and sweet, and quick to giggle with a gutteral depth that is awesome to listen to.

I know I've said this before... but you are the best little bonus baby I could ever have asked for.

Love, Mama

Monthly Newsletter — Month 15

munchkin cheeks, originally uploaded by JenSig.

Dear Isla,

You recently passed the 15 month mark, and I am a few days late getting this posted because our lives are such an amazing whirlwind these days, it's amazing I have time to get anything done.

You are an absolute delight in all of our lives, little girl. You are all sweetness and light, at once impish and mischievous and affectionate and charming. One of the sweetest things you do is "give loves"; I'll crouch down and say, "Isla, can you give me loves?" And, when you are feeling up to it (because sometimes you just shake your head with a cheeky grin when you don't feel particularly like "giving loves") you will come to me, your arms outstretched, mouth open for a big wet kiss and hug me close. And sometimes... the BEST times... you will just spontaneously come over to me and wrap your arms around my legs, looking up at me with a sweet smile, and then you'll toddle off again, the urge to "give loves" satisfied.

One of your WORST habits these days is screeching at the top of your lungs. I mean, it is literally ear-piercing, and you mostly do it when you are in your high chair and we are all sitting down to eat. I think you like the fact that Owen and Edie laugh at you when you do it, which makes you do it all the more. But it is so bad that you have actually been given time outs in your crib because of it. so that the rest of us can eat dinner WITHOUT our ears ringing painfully, thank you very much — and then you cry woefully at the indignity of being sent to your room when you had been having so much FUN!

You are also now quite good at taking directions. I can point to something on the floor and ask you to pick it up, and you usually will do it, or I can hand you something and say, "Take this to Daddy (or Owen or Edie)" and you will do so, big grin plastered on your face because you are such a great helper! Sometimes, however, you are a little TOO eager to "help," and your help is often a hindrance... but I delight in watching you, so pleased with yourself to be engaging in such big girl activities.

Owen and Edie have begun spring sports, baseball and softball, respectively, and as a result, our lives are a constant refrain of shuttling to and from practices or games, amid other things like Daisy meetings for Edie and CCD classes for Owen, plus homework and life and, oh yeah, that crazy project I just decided to embark upon that involves swapping yours and Edie's room with Owen's — an undertaking that has created such havoc in our home that I currently look like one of those people on those hoarding TV shows, so much stuff is piled haphazardly throughout the house. But you and Edie nowhave a new room, a butter-yellow confection that is all airy and light, and you slept there last night for the first time, the two of you, both of you thrilled with the new arrangement.

By far, the thing I notice the most about you these days is how much you just want to be WITH people. Last night as I was reassembling your crib in the new room (since no, of course it can't just fit through the door, that would be too EASY — I had to disassemble and reassemble instead), you were bobbing around me, alternately picking up allen wrenches and crawling amid the myriad crib parts, and you kept attempting to sit on my knee, which made my job just that much more difficult... but I loved it all the same.

I hope that you always want to spend time with me, my sweet, sweet girl. Thank you for blessing my life.

Love, Mama

Monthly Newsletter — Month 14

Imp, originally uploaded by JenSig.

Dear Isla,

This post is just a few days late, as our lives have gotten into the full swing of post-holiday, back-to-school and spring sports madness. With Owen and Edie both in sports (baseball and softball), our days and weeks are exceedingly full and busy. And you — you are just along for the ride.

You seem to think everything is a new adventure, and you happily tag along to wherever we need to be, fairly content to squawk and babble and take it all in.

Your newest adventure is that, at last, you are completely and truly WALKING. You're still just the tiniest bit unsteady, particularly on an uneven surface, like the bare grass, so it's definitely an adventure, but each day you get a little faster on those little feet of yours, and you follow me wherever I go throughout the house. And I think with the freedom of walking has come a new sense of mischievous discovery, and I often find you searching through the drawers and cupboards in my bathroom or dropping things into the toilet with glee. And when you are heading somewhere that you know you aren't supposed to be, and I follow you and say, "I'm gonna get you!" you squeal and giggle with delight and try to walk a little faster, which inevitably makes you stumble and fall.

We have decided that, of all three kids, you are the most independent-minded. Where Owen and Edie would parrot us and repeat things we would say or ask them to do on cue, you instead smile a cheeky grin and manage to look cuter than ever. If we ask you for hugs and kisses, you RARELY give them — you'd rather wait until you haven't been asked, and then spontaneously come over to me and lay your head on my knees and wrap your arms around my legs, preferring instead to give them to us on your own terms... which makes those spontaneous little hugs all the sweeter.

I know I say often how I feel so blessed to have gotten my little bonus baby, and I thank God every day for the miracle of you.

Love, Mama

Harry, Revisited

So followers of my old blog (before its untimely death from file corruption last year) may remember that when Owen was a kindergartener he and I spent several long months reading through all the Harry Potter novels. He has since become an avid reader with a vivid imagination, a fact that pleases me no end.

Well, now that Edie is in kindergarten, I decided to do the same thing with her— so most every evening we plop down on my king-sized bed, the three of us — Owen, Edie and I — to read a chapter and discuss what has been happening so far. You'd think Owen wouldn't want to sit through them again, but he's having as good a time listening to them again as I am having reading them, and it's interesting to see him listening and absorbing the information in a new way — being two whole years older than his first go-round.

And miss Edie, well... she seems to be enjoying them quite as much as Owen did, though I am very careful to review the previous night's chapter before beginning the next, asking her questions to make sure she's been paying attention.

The best part about it, though, is that Edie — who has always been fantastic at "imaginative play" when playing on her own — has begun to introduce new characters in her play. The other day I heard her speaking with quite a good version of a British accent (since, when I read the books, I try to read all the dialogue in character, accents, voices and all), saying things like, "Oh, hello, Neville. We were just talking about Transfiguration." I'm supremely happy that she's quite enjoying the books, too.

And, like before, the deal I made with her was that she could watch the movies after having read the books. She's seen bits and pieces of most of the movies before, on DVD, when Owen has been watching them, but has never had such a keen interest in the as she does now. We plan to watch the second movie this weekend. And the best part is that Terry — who has never read the books (blasphemy!) and only seen the first movie (heresy!) — has agreed to watch the movies with us as we go along, so that by the time the final installment is released in theaters this summer, he can be caught up and actually see it with us.

I know that I am blessed to have such smart kids — and when I get excellent feedback from both their teachers about how well-spoken and well-read they both are for their ages, I can't help but feel a huge burst of pride that I have had something to do with that.

Monthly Newsletter — Month 13

pretty baby, originally uploaded by JenSig.

Dear Isla,

Today you are 13 months old, and just as delightful as ever.

I find myself often sitting back and taking stock of this still relatively new family unit of ours, this party of five. It is a vibrant and boisterous bunch, yes, and so full of love and happiness I feel like my heart can hardly bear the weight of it.

I watch the three of you — you, Owen and Edie — and marvel at the changes in you all, and get such a kick out of watching you reach each milestone, remembering when Owen and Edie did it first.

You are just as easygoing and laid-back as Owen and Edie were — perhaps even more so, if that's possible — and yet you are also definitely your own person and have your own opinion about things. You are at times imperious and demanding in that egocentric way unique to toddlers, pointing at things you want and grunting out, "Dis? Dis," then getting angry when you don't get it... but you are also sweet and loving, freely giving out kisses and hugs (but only when it suits YOU to do so — you rarely will do anything on command).


Christmas was fun this year with you, though you were funny with the presents — I thought sure you'd get a big kick out of ripping off the paper, but you daintily picked at an edge of the paper until someone (usually Edie or Owen) came along to help rip it off for you. It was a little bit of sensory overload for you, I think, but you handled the experience well. YOu also really loved the new playhouse I made (see previous post), and crawled in and out of the doorway opening countless times while it was set up.

I was talking recently to another parent of three, and she was saying that she really felt the third child has a unique perspective on the world around her, because she is around other children almost all the time — those brothers and sisters are built-in playmates! And I would have to say that's true for you... Owen and Edie certainly love playing with you and making you laugh and cuddling with you — almost as much as YOU love it, I think.

As for you... you are very TALL — taller, even, than Owen and Edie were at the same age, and neck and neck with Edie in weight at age one. But you are lagging in the mobility department: you still don't walk! You have taken, at most, three or four wobbly steps, but you infinitely prefer crawling or, funny as it is, walking on your knees (which is adorable and hilarious at the same time). I also think you have fewer words than Owen and Edie did (though honestly, it's difficult to remember these things)... you are just the tiniest bit cautious, and that's okay. It might be the one thing you inherited from me, since it's clear you don't LOOK like me. I was a cautious child, too.

And, like Owen and Edie, you LOVE your blankie (which, true to form in our household, is called your "mimmy") — so much so that you point and grunt for me to get it for you, and once you are holding it, you lean into it and cuddle close, burying your face into the satin and sighing with happy delight.

I don't know what I did to deserve you — all of you — I love you so much I can hardly stand to think of NOT having you here... my little bonus baby.

Love, Mama

Welcome to Casa 158

(Click the picture above to watch the slideshow. You can even hit the little corner button with the four arrows to make it fit your computer screen.)

So I decided back in November that I wanted to make a playhouse out of felt with a pvc pipe frame for the kids for Christmas. I started with a mountain of felt, worked diligently on it any chance I had when the kids weren't around (namely when they were at school or in the evenings after they were in bed), and voila! The result is Casa 158. (the numbers are the ages of my three kids.)

I'll be honest and admit that a lot of the adorable ideas here were culled from other places on the internet. The idea for the corn and the tree with the apples and the entire garden on the back wall came from here. (In fact, this was where my initial inspiration came from.) But I decided to make mine to fit a PVC pipe frame (instead of a kitchen table, as hers was), so mine has a pitched roof. Also, I decided to finish off the interior of mine as well, like the one here, so we have a fireplace with vases where a little homemaker can put some flowers culled from the front window box. Also. the frame above the fireplace is open on one side, so the photo can be replaced with another or kids' artwork or whatever floats their boat.

I made each piece separate (sides and roof) and they tie onto the PVC Pipe — however, after seeing the kids play in it for a while, I MAY go ahead and stitch the roof to the sides. I had thought it would be easier to assemble/disassemble this way, but now I'm not totally convinced, since it comes untied and skews off slightly. So I may be doing some modifications to it in the near future, but overall I am very pleased with the result. And I even had enough time to decorate the house for Christmas, with little felt Christmas light bulbs in a strand around the eaves, and a wreath for the front door.

This was definitely a labor of love, but the kids loved it so much when they woke up Christmas morning and discovered this delightful playhouse in the living room. In fact, Edie spent the entire day inside it, pulling in her blankie and a pillow and relaxing in there with her Nintendo DS and some snacks. She even watched a movie on TV from inside its walls, watching through the window!